We have the Power to Choose: Choosing Self-talk that Supports Recovery from Depression
Our self-talk and our thoughts can impact our mood a great deal.
As children we do not have much power to choose what we think about and how we react to situations. However, as adults we do have the power to make choices about what we think and even to some extent what we believe, and therefore how we feel.
When clients come to see me and they have depression symptoms, one of the first things I’ll do is explain how depressed feelings come about. (This is a very simple model and there are all kinds of exceptions and caveats.) First we have beliefs about ourselves and our place in the universe, and from these beliefs we produce thoughts in response to events or situations. Our feelings are directly connected to the thoughts. So if you have a negative discouraging thought (e.g. I’ll never be able to pass this course) then you will, as a result, feel sadness and discouragement and maybe even despair.
Because we cannot directly change our feelings (because they are a direct result of the thought), then we must change or modify our thoughts in order to change our feelings. Also, if we change our beliefs, then we will be changing our thoughts, which in turn, will change our feelings.
So this is the “cognitive” part of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. We can quite easily change a thought or a ”cognition”, and changes in our feelings will follow. I have witnessed this personally, and with my clients many, many times.
For example, the negative thought, “I’ll never be able to pass this course” could be modified to be more accurate. So, instead you could say to yourself, “It may be really difficult to pass this course and to do so I’m going to have to go to all my classes, study a great deal, and ask the teacher any questions I may have”. Or if things are really looking grim in terms of passing, then you can say to yourself, “I may not pass the course this time, but I’ll keep trying until I do”. By making a thought more accurate, you tend to make it longer and more complex.
Sometimes, however, we can simply reverse the thought. For example, you call yourself an idiot when you have a pretty high IQ. Then you could simply negate it with, “I am not an idiot, that’s just not true”.
The central point I want to make is that we have the power to choose what we think. Therefore, we can decide what we would like to think. We can choose to make sure our thoughts are more accurate and more kind.
At any moment that we are conscious, we have the power to change or modify our thoughts so that the feeling produced is more positive.
In order to make the change effective, you need to go to that deep down place in you that believes in, even if only a little bit, the more positive and desired thought and then switch up the thought. Then say it again. Repetition works as long as you’re fuelling the change with some belief. In other words you need to somehow access more than just words and make it experiential. Maybe you can remember a time when you did something pretty smart or kind or courageous.
Almost everyone I’ve showed how to do this has experienced improved feelings, has continued to choose the more positive thoughts and therefore the more positive feelings. As you choose over and over again to think more positive thoughts that, in turn, produces better feelings (i.e. less depressed feelings), you will with time become less depressed. You will be empowered to change your feelings by changing your thoughts.
The awesome part of this whole thing, in my opinion, is that we, as adults, actually have the power to choose to change a thought so that we will feel less emotionally battered. And this changing is not really very difficult.
The difficult parts of changing thoughts are as follows: 1) agreeing to be responsible for our thoughts and our feelings , 2) remembering to continually monitor and choose to change up the thoughts and 3) learning how to modify one’s thoughts so they are less depressing. Those topics will have to be in other blogs.
Try it now. Think a depressing, negative thought and notice the feeling that results. Now switch that thought up so it’s more accurate and positive, and notice the feeling that results. The choice and the power to change a thought is yours for the doing.
Fay Ferris, Counsellor
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