Rituals: An Effective Way of Marking Transitions, Growth, Death and Seasons
Transitions in our lives are unavoidable and often they are difficult even when they are happy transitions like marriage, birth or graduation. Rituals provide a way for us to comprehend, celebrate/grieve and process the transition.
We all know about some of the common rituals like for transitions such as graduation, birth and death, and annual religious and cultural rituals. What rituals at these times do is allow us to begin to process the changes and the transition that our lives will soon be experiencing or have already begun to feel the impact.
A book called Transitions by William Bridges suggests that each transition has a beginning, a middle and an end but not necessarily in that order. Often the end comes first (ending a job), then a beginning (of retirement) and finally the middle which is characterized by chaos (aimless days). At other times the chaos comes first, followed by an ending, and then finally a beginning.
Having a ritual for a transition helps us in several ways. It helps us accept the changes from the beginnings, get closure for the endings, and to plan for the chaos part. If others are present then rituals help make the transition are made real by the witnessing of others and it also helps to develop some social support for the changes that we must undertake.
I’d like to highlight the usefulness of putting into place rituals for transitions that maybe don’t have a commonly known or practised ritual. Often these transitions are not happy occasions or they are not big life events. So for example, a ritual for receiving final papers for a divorce, buying an apartment, passing an exam, etc. Other often overlooked occasions for a ritual include the anniversary of an abortion or a miscarriage, the anniversary of a loved one’s death, a teen girl’s first period etc.
If you do not know of a ritual you can do to mark an event or transition you can borrow from ones you do know or make it up. Rituals often require some preparation such as cleaning, inviting friends/family, collecting symbolic items, gifts or other articles. The preparation stage is important because our psyche is given a chance to begin to prepare for the changes that may be coming or accept the changes that have already occurred. There are books and online resources that can help you plan a ritual
The ritual itself can be short or long but it must include appreciation and a direction if it is to be psychologically valuable. For example, say we are doing a ritual for a divorce or quitting a job you hated, there must be a section of appreciating what was good about the marriage or the job. The reason is because we cannot let something go until we have appreciated it for what it did give us.
The giving of a direction refers to intentionally and consciously saying I want more of this “quality/thing” in my life and less of this “quality/thing” in my life. After all, that is the nature of a transition moving from this “quality/thing” to that “quality/thing”; working to retired; single to married, married to widowed; non-parent to parent; winter to spring, etc.
Rituals often re-create the transition in some symbolic way. So for example, you may light a candle to represent one aspect of the transition and appreciate its gifts, and then blow the candle out to symbolize the passing of the aspect/person. You might collect items of the period that is passing or coming and discuss the meaning of the items. For example, this is my father’s watch and I remember how he pulled it out on days he worked and said “We’d better get to work”.
I encourage you to mark the seasons and any changes or transitions with rituals as it will help you accept the changes and deal with difficult times with grace. –Fay Ferris, Counsellor
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